From Shattered Identity to Wholeness
A Journey of Healing and Self-discovery
Are you experiencing doubt that your identity as a victim will ever change? I spent over 20 years locked into an identity created by trauma. It left me with deep emotional scars and obliterated my sense of self. If I’m deeply honest, I never really had much of a sense of self based on having a narcissistic mom. This fact left me very vulnerable to be victimized. When I experienced sexual assault at a young age, I had NO support. That is what began my downward spiral into darkness and despair, including homelessness. My resilient spirit led me to begin my long, arduous healing journey. Reclaiming your identity after trauma is a courageous and transformative journey. It requires patience, self-compassion, and support. Here is a comprehensive guide to help you through this process.
Understanding the Impact of Abuse
Abuse, whether physical, emotional, or psychological, can severely damage a person's self-esteem, sense of security, and overall mental health. It often leads to feelings of worthlessness, shame, and confusion about one's identity. This often leads to further victimization. I looked to others to show me who I was but because of my low self-esteem, they were not the right people to be seeking this help from. When you awaken to the reality of how these effects have impacted you, you’re taking the first step towards healing.
Psychological Impact
Abuse can distort a person's perception of themselves and their abilities. Victims might internalize negative beliefs imposed by the abuser, leading to self-doubt and loss of confidence. This led me down a dark path of destruction. I could not see whatsoever what a beautiful and talented woman I was. Rebuilding a positive self-image is essential for recovery and takes a lot of hard work.
Emotional Symptoms
Victims of abuse may experience a range of emotions, including fear, anger, sadness, and anxiety and even rage. These feelings can be overwhelming and may interfere with daily functioning or land you in jail. However dark the feelings may be, stuffing them will lead to further damage of yourself and your life. It's crucial to acknowledge and validate your range of emotions rather than suppress them.
Steps to Reclaim Your Identity
1. Seek Professional Help to help you go within and underneath your symptoms
Therapy can be immensely beneficial in processing trauma and rebuilding one's identity. However, all therapists are not created equal. I highly recommend you choosing a therapist trained in schema therapy. I worked with many highly educated therapists, but until I began working with my schema therapist, who also does re-parenting work with your child parts, I was spinning my wheels without progress. I’m now 5 ½ years into schema therapy and my life is transforming.
2. Reconnect with supportive friends and relatives
Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can offer encouragement and understanding. This is easier said than done because so many times your family of origin and upbringing put you in this condition. I had to limit my contact with those family members who were just too triggering for me to deal with until I got more understanding and healing. Support groups for abuse survivors can also be valuable, as they provide a sense of community and shared experiences. Part of my healing journey involved giving back by working as a DV crisis support group facilitator.
3. Practice Self-Compassion and Self-Love induced Self-Care
Being gentle with yourself during this healing process can prove to be a huge challenge for you as it was for me. I had internalized my mom’s harsh judgment voice and it attacked continually. It took a lot of ‘digging deep’ to find my healthy adult. That is when I began doing self-love induced self-care which boosted my healing journey exponentially.
4. Focus on Self-Care
Being able to focus on your self-love induced self-care takes deep dedication and commitment to yourself. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t do it perfectly. Remember that you’re learning to love yourself again or maybe for the very first time. It will help if you schedule self-care routines that nurture your body, mind, and spirit, so that you don’t quit on yourself. This may include exercise, meditation, journaling, or spending time in nature. You will find that taking care of your physical and emotional needs is vital for your overall recovery.
5. Challenge Negative Beliefs
I have found that simply identifying negative beliefs you hold about yourself and replacing them with positive affirmations will not give lasting results. I went ‘underneath’ the core beliefs to find out which parts of me held them and how they formed. This process allowed me to evolve those young parts of me that were ‘stuck in time’. Doing this work, step-by-step helped me to shift my mindset and build a more empowering self-image that was solidly intact.
6. Practice Self-Acceptance
As I went deeply into my healing journey, I found that I did not accept myself. I loathed myself and that loathing controlled my choices. Self-acceptance can only be achieved when one deeply embraces the positive, mediocre and negative aspects of oneself. This is known as radical self-acceptance.
The Role of Time and Patience
Healing from abuse is not a linear process; it requires time and patience. Allow yourself to grieve the loss and acknowledge the pain. With consistent effort and support, you will gradually rebuild your sense of self and find new meaning in life.
Additional Resources
Consider exploring books, podcasts, and online resources dedicated to abuse recovery and personal growth. These materials can offer insights, inspiration, and practical tips to aid your journey.
Recommended Books
· The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
· Healing the Trauma of Abuse by Mary Ellen Copeland and Maxine Harris
· Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker
· When Birds Sing My Journey from Trauma to Triumph by Arielle Spring
Helpful Websites
· National Domestic Violence Hotline: [URL]
· RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): [URL]
· Ariellespring.net
Conclusion
I am living proof that Recovering your identity after being an abuse victim is a profound journey of healing and self-discovery. Please remember that you are not alone, and support is available to help you reclaim your life. Be patient with yourself, embrace your strengths, and take one step at a time towards a brighter future.
